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| Photo by http://sarahkathleen.com/ |
I was inspired to write this blog because I saw a blog on http://elitedaily.com, Paul Hudson writes very candidly in regards to a men's point of view. However, I will write on behalf of both sexes from a spiritual point of view.
I am not married yet and never have been, but I am engaged to someone now and have been in several serious relationships that have almost become a marriage. To keep any relationship healthy, balanced and joyful is a task especially when you are extreamly close and live together. Yes, marriage does get a bad rap. However, like this guy Paul says, it's not marriage's fault it's the people who don't know how to communicate and manage the relationship.
Just because you both decided to get married does not mean you both have the same ideas of what your idea of marriage means.
So let me help you out and give you a list of 20 sizzling questions that you and your fiance' should be able to answer, candidly! This may avoid arguments, divorce, or an unfit marriage.
There are all kinds of marriages but here I speak to the marriage of the heart.
1. Why do you want to marry me?
This question sounds silly, but if this question can't be answered it's not a very good start. The answer should definitely include love and more qualities that come from the inside versus your appearance or social status, because the the non-inner qualities can diminish through the years.
2. What do you foresee in your future?
Some have no idea how to answer this question and others know exactly what they want out of life. Even though this question can be answered as truthfully as possible you never know what curve balls life throws you. Therefore, it's good to see how you both react to the plans and the uncertainties of life.
3. How do you feel about divorce?
This can be answered in black and white. However, there is a grey area, because those who swear they don't want to divorce also get divorced. Some feel that when they have children it's a definite noway to divorce and others say whatever is best for the long term situation. Whatever it is it's good to hear this perspective even though it might not be written in stone.
4. Do you want children and if so, how many?
So many couples assume that they both want children and the same number of kids! Nope, this is definitely a discussion to be had. There should also be an understanding if there are any difficulties how you will deal with it. What will be your options? Most don't talk about this.
5. What are your feelings about living away from friends and family?
It's a new generation where so many of us move around and do whatever it takes to have a comfortable living situation. There are some people that will never leave their friends and family or even place of work for that matter and other's are explorers who like to take risks and enjoy adventure. This is a biggie in a marriage. Which one are you? I knew a married couple who would only see each other on the weekends. She refused to leave her beloved New York City and he moved to an apartment in Washington DC for a better job. If this works for you, then OK! Bottom line, talk about it.
6. What kind of parent do you want to be?
This is a very forward question. Some of us just know we want to participate in the kids after school activities, be a soccer coach, teach the kids how to paint or dance. There are other's who just want to raise their child by supporting them financially and give them life lessons. There is a whole slew of parenting types and you both need to discover what type is your partner. Although, you don't really know until you are actually a parent, but again talking about it is a good way to lay the land with this one. You never know you may want a partner who's super involved because you had that growing up and well, your partner may not be up for that. This would be something to fight about everyday if that was the case.
7. Is marriage sacred to you or you just see it as a social status?
Some will never admit that it is a social status but those who dare to tell at least honest. To see a marriage sacred comes from within. It hits core, like a deep resonance of deep connection to other. It's that simple.
8. What is your thought on our finances… Are we going “Dutch” 50/50? Are we sharing a bank account? Do you want a prenuptial agreement?
This is a biggie. No one likes to talk about this, but it's a must. If you can't be clear about this before you get married, trust that it will come up during the marriage. Sometimes a woman has a great career and when she becomes a Mother wants to take a break from it. Not all Husbands are okay with this. This can be a deal breaker if it's not all out in the open.
9. What sort of boundaries will you change for the sake of our marriage?
No one ever talks about this I feel. You both need to understand what makes each other not comfortable when the other crosses a "boundary'. There are so many different types of boundaries; communicating with the opposite sex "inappropriately", limits on alcohol drinking, going out latenight with friends, Shopping, Gambling, ect. You know what I am talking about here.
10. Will you put me and your children first in all circumstances?
This should be a vow in all marriages. Most good partners feel that this is a no brainer and other's have no clue.
11. What do you consider the perfect marriage?
Everyone has a different ideal. It's good to know what your partner see's in his/her wall of dreams.
12. Can you continue to be intimate and physical with me?
This is a tricky question, if the person never had a long term relationship. However, everyone knows their true essence and how their fiance makes them feel.
13. Do you like who I am and appreciate my culture?
This is a pretty important question to agree on. If you can't see the beauty in your partners qualities and up bringing then it will never be a happy union.
14. Will you support me pursuing my passions?
This should be answered with love and compassion. Who doesn't want to be supported right?
15. Can you promise to always heal our arguments before going to bed?
Ahhh so important! You should shake on this.
16. Do you like my Family and Friends?
Another tricky questions of which most tip-toe around. This should be answered with respect and understanding. Not everyone likes their future in-law or their partner's best-friend!
17. In what order do these things come in for you; Career, Money, Family, Fame, Friends, Hobbies, and Health?
This should be interesting! It's good if they are complimentary rather than exact match.
18. How important is sex to you and how often would you like to do it?
Ooooh.. you should be on the same wavelength on this one. If one or the other isn't being satisfied, it's an opening for an affair.
19. If I get sick will you be there for me?
Not everyone can answer this with a YES. Really think about this one.
20. What are your expectations of marriage?
This should be a nice list. Anyone who says I have no expectations just means, I am not completely surrendered to this relationship so it doesn't matter.
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| Photo by http://sarahkathleen.com/ |
Good luck! Hopefully this will bring you together with clarity or split you up before you both invest your hearts into a marriage.
Love,
Val
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